Someday we'll know.

How much are you willing to sacrifice?

I'd go all the way.

Change(s).
-

Country songs... It's been awhile since I spent my nights with you, tonight I'm all yours.

I hate Saturday night goodbyes. Or goodbyes with you, in general.

That awful feeling that sinks into my gut whenever I start turning at the intersection into your subdivision; it grows and grows as the minutes tick, the thought of spending the next six days without your presence creeping into my conscious mind. The crushing feeling I feel when my car has stopped moving and we're parked at your drive way trying to figure out how to part ways.

I hate leaving. I especially hate it now. Now that I have five days to go through at school, instead of just four. Now that you're working, and returning back to school soon. Now that we'll be so busy with our obligations in life, and that the free time we do have will be spent resting and replenishing energy.

Things are definitely changing. We don't get to talk to each other as often, we can't text or reply to each other promply any time of the day anymore. We don't even get to spend as much time together when I'm home on the weekend. Not that I'm complaining, but this is something new. I don't mind not being able to talk often or text, or even see you, I don't mind at all. But it doesn't mean I wouldn't feel sad time and again whenever missing you starts to become overwhelming.

I wish I could try to understand why I have a car, and that I only live an hour and a half away on the weekdays, yet I only see you two days out of the week. I wish I could regain part of my old self that existed back in Singapore. The part which didn't mind commuting more than an hour every day back and forth just to be some place to meet the people I missed. Sigh.

I'm not even making sense here anymore. I just wish I didn't have to drive to Davis anymore. I just want to stay in Fremont.

I miss you. Terribly.

I don't want to be back at Davis :(
And now that I'm actually back, it's sucking big time. My bicycle got stolen, now I'm going to have to walk around campus everyday, to and fro from classes. And I don't even have music to accompany me during my walks no thanks to the fucker who broke into my car and stole my iPod.

Classes start tomorrow already :(

2010 - This is supposed to be our year. The year where we build lots of happy memories together everywhere we might go. The year where we get closer together. The year where we'll be happier than any of the other year's we've ever lived. 2010, this is the year I'm going to ask you to be mine.

I love you Jackie, and I can't bear to lose you. Please work things out with me?

Bad start to the year. But I'm determined not to let that be the case for my entire year.

I'm tired of always being blamed for starting our arguments. For having to try and make up, only for things to get worse. It hurts how you think I'm always starting the fights, how you think I don't want to solve them, when all I want for them is to end. It hurts even more how you tell me to try and understand things from your point of view, when you don't even try to consider how I feel on my side.

I'm not looking for someone to fight with. And if that's all we're going to end up doing, then I'd rather not be part of it.

The first hour of 2010 hasn't even gone by and here I am already feeling shitty. And the folks would rather I be stuck in my room on my own rather than going out for a few hours just celebrating with some friends. It's not that I didn't spend my whole day with them, it's not like I'm going to be out the whole day tomorrow. What's the fucking point, when they're just going to bed anyway?

I hope they realize that I'm trying my best to balance my time with them and my time with friends as well as I can. It's hard enough being away from everyone I love when I'm away at Davis. I wish they realized how down I've been coming home only to have everyone doing their own things, and stepdad being immature. I hope they realize that I've been missing them a whole lot too.

I leave on Sunday. I know I haven't spent enough time with my family. The same goes with my friends. But fuck, they're off to bed now, and they can't even let me go out to greet my friends for the brand new year. Arghhhhhh.

I know I'm growing old and I'm supposed to be cherishing these times with my family because sooner or later I'd be missing them when I'll be leading my own life with my own family, but they also have to realize that I'm growing older and that they won't have so much control over me anymore soon. I hate it when my sister guilt trips me with her remarks, because they honestly, hurt very much.

Crap, I should stop.
My first entry of 2010 and it's already fucked up.